Don't Leave Me, Now
by SomeLikeItHot88
Summary: He's enchanted by the light- wants to follow it and see whats on the other side but the sound of her voice stops him in his tracks and now he's stuck in between as a vision of her and him causes him to debate whether he should follow the light or turn back into the darkness.
1. Chapter 1

Its utterly terrifying to realize how your life can change in an instance.

A blink of the eye and you could go from feeling alive to teetering the edge of death. A single breath could mean the difference between a beating heart and a cooling body.

Why is it that in these situations are true colors shine through? Why does it take a brush of death to set your priorities straight? To make you forget, to make you forgive, to make you admit what you've been afraid to speak? All of a sudden we all become heroes, we all become brave and we all find solace in truth instead of false hope in our lies.

But for the most part, we don't think in these situations, we just let ourselves feel. This instance was no different, thats exactly what was happening, they were running on autopilot because it hurt too much to take a step back and let the realization of the situation hit.

Two sets of hands work so very frantically trying to stop the bleeding, blood soaked fingers shaking uncontrollably and mixing with salty tears that ran down in spurts.

"We need to get him to a hospital, Dembe." Her voice cracked with every single word, almost like it pained her to speak.

Liz watched Dembe direct his eyes to a spot for her to put pressure on while he reached into his pocket to retrieve a phone. He looked like he was half in shock and half disbelieving and for the very first time Liz was allotted to see this man display an array of emotions that ranged from fear to sorrow and then to guilt.

She could faintly hear him have a conversation, his words coming out in a jumbled mess depicting a sense of urgency, but she could not focus on him, all she could focus on was the blood, the gun shot wound and the man laying on the floor without a heartbeat.

How did she let this happen? She was sure she would never forgive herself. He looked like life was drained right out of his body, so helpless, so weak, so pale...like he was already too far gone from her- And she cursed him and herself.

"You don't get to die on me, you bastard." She says in between breaths and compressions to his chest. "Reddington, wake up!" She growls but it sounds more like a scream.

"You don't get to do this to me, you don't get to leave me before you give me answers," Her nerves are shot and she stares at her hands, disbelieving.

There is so much blood, she has his blood on her hands. And then she surveys his face and she finally breaks because she can finally see him- she sees him like she's never been afforded the opportunity to do so before. She can study his features without feeling self-conscious, those long blonde eyelashes, the structure of his face, the thin line of his lips and the curve of his jaw and it makes her stomach clench and her body convulse because the only part of him she can't study are those eyes- and she wants nothing more in this world then for him to open his eyelids and allow her to get lost in his magnetic gaze- she wants to lose herself in him and she fears she will never get the opportunity to do so again.

"I need you to wake up, Red," She pleads, "I need you to open your eyes and look at me." Dembe returns and informs her that a car is on its way to take them to a safe place, a place with a bed and a doctor.

"I need answers, I need guidance, I need your protection," Her voice cracks again and she doesn't do a good job at hiding the fear on her face or controlling the tears that continue to pool down her cheeks and stain his blood-soaked dress shirt. "I need...-you." She finally breathes out, more like a revelation she just admitted not only to him, or Dembe but herself as well.

* * *

For the first time in his life, he feels light as a feather, weightless- he feels like he's floating, gliding instead of walking.

Its not just his body that feels so free- its his heart and soul- as if all those shackles that have chained his arms and legs- all the guilt, the pain, the sorrow and the regrets- they have all been lifted off his shoulders and he can finally walk.

He can finally walk towards the light because he can finally see the light.

He sees it in the distance - its close enough to see but far enough that its out of reach.

But now he can walk weightlessly and he's attracted to the light- he wants so bad to be surrounded by it so he goes in pursuit of it.

His life has been filled with so much darkness, and even though she found a spark and lit a small flame inside the depths of his soul that continued to burn just for her- he knew better than to let himself lean on her- so instead he leans on the light in the distance and starts following the path that continues to illuminate his surroundings and he wonders what he will find in the end.

He walks a safe distance before he's stopped in his tracks.

Her voice- he hears her voice.

He's halfway towards the light and he looks behind him and all he sees is the darkness that he wants to escape- he wants to finally be free- But its her voice that he hears and it makes him freeze into space because he doesn't want to leave her but the light is so close that he can almost grasp it and he almost starts to move towards it again but then he hears her voice again but now its not an incoherent mumble because he can hear the pain in her voice and feel it in the depths of his soul.

"Please, Don't leave me," She pleads and it makes his heart skip a beat, "I need you." He hears her declare and suddenly he doesn't feel so weightless anymore.

tbc...


	2. What Could Be

Where is he now? He doesn't even know but all the weight of the world seems to lift from his shoulders and take residence right on top of his heart. Her voice, her words, the pain etched in her pleas- they surround him in a cloud of smoke and make it nearly impossible to see, let alone breathe.

His legs want to walk towards the light but his heart keeps him grounded in place- two magnetic forces that keep pulling in opposite directions and yet- he still hasn't moved.

And suddenly he is not in the tunnel anymore, there is no lightness ahead of him and no darkness behind him. He's a ghost watching real life play out before him. He stands next to her kneeling form- watching as she pleads with his lifeless body. He has never seen her like this - never seen this type of fear in her eyes and never witnessed the emotions that etched across her face. She told him she cared about him not too long ago but this was more than caring, more then civil duty, this was something he was too scared, too ashamed to name because he should of never let it get this far. Albeit, he never thought in a million years that she would be able to feel any sort of love for a man she once deemed a monster - yet here she was begging him to wake up, begging him to not leave her and if it wasn't for the "I love you." That escaped her lips in a whispered plea more than a declaration when she made sure nobody was in earshot, he would of found a way to reproach the scene playing out in front of him.

But now he couldn't because she had just told him she loved him.

And even though he was unconscious, teetering on a very thin line between life and death - it didn't make the revelation any less relevant or important because in those three little words she was making a promise to him. Whether she consciously knew it or was acting on instinct alone, she was promising him a future - a future with her.

Even then, he chalked it up to a paternal love, never allowing his mind to wander to what her words could imply if he chose to make those assumptions.

No. He wouldn't let himself travel that far down the rabbit hole.

Maybe that's why suddenly he wasn't witnessing lizzie beg him to survive,- to wake up anymore. In the blink of an eye he was no longer there - did he leave or did the scene he was witnessing turn into dust? He didn't know.

All he knew was now he was standing in front of a house he didn't recognize. His eyes shot back and forth surveying his surroundings; white picket fence surrounding a Queen Anne with red bricks and white stones complete with a wraparound porch and a second floor balcony.

The house was breathtaking and by the monuments he could see in the distance, he gathered he was still in D.C.

The large wooden door caught his eye. Eight sets of hands were imprinted all around the door ranging from largest to smallest and when he neared to take a closer look he realized that in the middle of the handprints there was writing.

_"A house is made of bricks and beams, A home is made of hopes and dreams." _

His forefinger lightly traced the smallest handprint that was molded into the door and a small smile smile twitched at the corner of his lip.

What is this? Where am I? Who lives here?

He didn't have to wait long for answers, he heard laughing coming from within the house and he reached for the doorknob and took a shaky breath before he grasped the metal and turned it around.

BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB

He walked into the corridor illuminated by amber lighting. This really wasn't a house, it was a home. It smelled of cinnamon and vanilla mixed with salvation and redemption. He felt a sense of peace surround him, like somehow he knew he belonged here - everything looked foreign to his eyes but felt so familiar to his heart - like his soul knew he would end up here even if his mind refuted the possibility.

The house gave off a cozy and warm feeling - it embodied exactly what the quote carved on the front door stated - It made you believe in hopes and dreams and the energy inside radiated a sense of love that made his heart clench almost as much as when his ears heard the pitter-patter of small feet and an echoing of giggles and shrieks.

Red followed the sounds up the elegant staircase until he reached the upstairs. His feet led the way and tried to find the source of the infectious little laughs that filled the house until she found him.

A little girl, no more then three years old. Chocolate brown hair in pigtails bouncing up and down with every one of her strides.

His breath hitches. A fist tightens around his heart.

She looks familiar- its not Jennifer. Its not him reliving a memory from his past.

This little girl is so beautiful, so angelic, she reminds him of someone, she looks like someone he knows- his mind is foggy, almost as if he's fighting an internal war within himself.

He doesn't want to think it, he doesn't dare say it, mind won't acknowledge it.

But this little girl.

She's the beautifulest little thing his eyes have ever seen. And only one woman is this entire universe could birth a creature with such beauty. But its not just her - she looks familiar because she looks like a hybrid - a mixture of two sets of genes- her eyes and his mouth, her hair and his nose.

Lizzie.

She's Lizzie's daughter.

"Daaaaaddddyyy" She yells across the room in a sing-song voice, "Me no sleepy."

Red comes out from a room at the end of the hall holding an infant in his arms - He's dressed in black slacks and his signature shirt and vest but he's missing a tie and his shirtsleeves are rolled up and the top two buttons are undone. The baby in his arms is wearing a onesie - its blue - a boy, he gathers.

He's just as beautiful as the little girl.

He swallows the lump in his throat and tries desperately to catch his breath.

She's his daughter.

He's his son.

His and Lizzie's children. Oh my-

He looked well- rested, happy, content, even though there's a beautiful little terror running around and causing chaos in the house and the little boy just lays quietly in Raymond's arms - his tiny hand clutches the collar of Red's shirt while he sucks on his thumb - his gaze never leaving Red- not once, especially when he hears him speak - His ears perk up and his eyes shine bright enough to light up the whole room.

"Natasha, I'm trying to put your brother to sleep, please be a good girl and help daddy by using inside voices." Red finishes in a whisper to emphasize his point.

"I don't want brother." She suddenly exclaims. Her little arms folding in front of her chest and her lips turning into a pout. "I want sister!" She wines, "Daddy, mommy,- make me sister pwease!"

Red chuckles, "Honey, your mother is not a pinball machine, we just made you Sammy, don't you love your little brother?" He walks up to the little girl - Natasha and kneels down eye-level to her. "Look how cute he is." Red coos.

There's a twinkle in his eyes while they divert their attention from one child to another. He looks happy - genuinely happy.

Like he had the whole world at his fingertips. This man didn't know pain, didn't feel remorse, this man hadn't dealt death and destruction. This man was content, he was loved and he loved in return.

This man was not broken. He was complete.

This man hadn't lost everything, this man had everything.

A family. He had a family.

She giggles and reaches out a hand to stroke the babies cheek. "Sammy look like daddy, so cute." Her pigtails tickle Red's neck as she bends her head to give the baby a kiss.

The heartwarming scene is interrupted by the rattling of the door knob and creek of the door as it opens.

Lizzie.

His Lizzie peaks through the door.

"Mommy!" Natasha yells while Red winces because she screams straight into his ear.

She looks breathtaking, her hair is longer, her eyes so much brighter and her body a little plumper.

"What are you doing home so early, sweetheart?" Red asks while lifting Natasha on his free arm. "What kind of "girls night out" ends at-" He looks towards the clock to his left, "9:30?" He asks.

Lizzie rushes to take her coat off and sprints up the stairs. She takes Natasha from his arms while giving Sammy little kisses all over his face, making him squeal in delight. She then hugs the little girl and shows her the same attention.

"Lizzie?"

"Raymond."

"I missed my family." She states while giving him a million dollar smile. "I missed my babies, and I missed my husband." She leans in and gives him a kiss- he moans in delight.

They hear Natasha "eww"

"And..." She continues when she pulls away, licks her lips, "Dr. Andrews called, gave us the clear to- um, engage in those very activities that resulted in the creation of these beautiful little babies"

Red hums in appreciation.

"So you just couldn't wait - had to rush home and get back on the horse." He teases provocatively while biting the inside of his cheek and she can't help but purr at the sound of his voice and the inclination behind his words.

"A horse? you think very highly of yourself, old man."

He raises his eye-brows accompanied by that arrogant smirk he displays which drives her crazy and makes her delirious with want. "This old man knocked you up twice and keeps you coming back for more."

"Its just been so long, I must have forgotten..."

"I'm sure if you'd of forgotten, you wouldn't of rushed home to get the goods but nonetheless, help me put the kids to sleep and I'll remind you all night long."

She purrs in delight.

Is this his subconscious mind dreaming and wishing for a life that is so out of his reach - that he's reduced to imagining an alternate reality to pull him through the darkness and into the light? He's ashamed to even think about a future with her- she deserves so much more than he can give. She deserves a good man, a man who will love her until the end of the world.

And then realization hits...

No man will ever love her like he would, like he could, like he one day will.


	3. Hold On To Your Dream

Is it possible to hate someone with every fiber in your being while simultaneously loving them with your whole heart and soul? Liz would've thought that contradiction was impossible to feel.

"Would've" being the operative word. She wants to throw him off a cliff...and then rush over to the bottom to catch him. She wants to hurt him- like he hurts her. But then there's those moments where he lets her in - they are so far and few between but they are so raw, uninhibited and honest that she can't help but want to take away all the hurt, all the pain, all his atrocities - in these moments she wants to carry his burdens; she wants to see that flicker of hope dance across his eyes and she wants to feel that unconditional love that he directs towards her that makes her feel like even if the whole world burned down and turned to ashes - she would still have him, and he would still have her.

Was it love? Was it hate? What's that famous saying? Theres a thin line between the two?

Her feelings were scattered and so was her brain - She couldn't deny she cared for him, she had already admitted it to him but she couldn't deny to herself that her feelings toward him were anything less than complicated.

It was so much more than caring but she was too afraid to let her mind wander to what it was.

She was prepared to admit she cared for him, that she needed him, hell, even that she wanted him in her life but to admit that, that growing affection was leading into another more pragmatic territory - that was something she wasn't fully ready to confront.

Not until he was shot and she thought he would be taken from her.

She sat by his bedside, never once leaving his side, never allowing her hand to slip from his. She whispered pleas, made promises she didn't know she could keep and begged him endlessly to live - to survive - if not for himself then for her.

She begged him to live for her, to breathe for her, to come back to her.

It felt so natural yet so foreign, but there was something oddly familiar about the feel of his hand on hers; like by some unbeknownst reason her hand was molded to fit his perfectly upon her creation.

Her chair was moved right beside him and she let her head fall onto the side of his waist when exhaustion took over her body and she could no longer keep her eyes open.

Fingers interlaced with his, palms touching and her thumb lightly caressing the crevices between his fingers, she finally succumbed to sleep.

* * *

In her sleep she dreamed, her subconscious taking her to an exotic place and envisioning things she was too scared to imagine in reality.

She's in a beautiful white ball-gown, the bodice is encrusted with beading and hugs every ample curve of her body, the strapless sweet-heart shape highlights the curve of her breasts and elegant neck. The draping and rouching of the bottom complete with the elegant soft up-do that her hair is pulled into make her look like a modern day princess.

Lizzie is standing in a corridor, the french doors open to a balcony and her surroundings tell her she must be in a palace. The sun shines through and the gentle breeze of the ocean ahead wisps through her hair and breathes new life into her.

All of a sudden she hears herself talk - she knows this is a dream, she can feel it - but she's reading off a script and she can't alter her words even if she tried - though when she seems him leaning on the balcony with his back turned towards the ocean and away from her - she's suddenly afraid that she might wake up before she sees his face.

Her heart stops when her eyes find him - she had a feeling before but assuming and knowing are two completely different things. Her heart felt him before she saw him but when her eyes were met with his image... well, that was something that took her breath away.

"Raymond," She hears herself speak, "Are you ready to see your bride?" Her lips curve into a smirk and she blinks when she hears a series of flashes.

And finally realization hits - there are cameramen around, there's a photographer taking pictures- And she finally knows what's going on.

They're documenting their wedding, and when Raymond Reddington turns around, he will finally see his bride for the first time on their wedding day, and she will finally see him.

His chuckle resonates from deep within his throat and makes its way straight into her heart. She will never tire of that sound, she will never know more joy then in these moments when she's the cause of his happiness.

She watches as he straightens his body and sighs in disappointment when his backside isn't in her full view anymore.

"I've been ready all my life Lizzie, I just had to wait for you to grow up." His words disappear into the wind and he still hasn't turned around, his hands grasping the railing so tighly that it causes his knuckles to turn white.

He inhales deeply and cocks his head to the side.

"Raymond Reddington, is it just me or is the former concierge of crime nervous to turn around and meet his blushing bride?" Her words spill with lighthearted banter that she uses to try to mask her own nerves.

He turns around rather quickly then and his eyes fixate on her - and suddenly time is frozen into place.

His jaw goes slack and his breath hitches but what makes her breakdown is the single tear that she watches escape from his eye and roll down his cheek.

Raymond can't speak, he cannot move, he can't even think. He just stood there in a haze guided by the complete awe he was in.

Liz nervously shifted her weight from one foot to another and played with the bodice of her gown while waiting for him to make a move, the flashes from photographs provided some sort of noise to help drown out the silence.

When he finally spoke, his voice was another octave lower, thick with the emotions running through his veins and deeper than the ocean that laid behind him.

"I lost my faith a long, long time ago, but right here and right now, I stand before you and I cannot possibly deny the existence of a God because in front of me stands an angel- something so beautiful, so pure, so perfect that only the hands of God could of possibly molded and created."

His words warm her like a blanket and she can't help shiver under his gaze and can't help the tears that fall freely from her eyes.

Her voice cracks with emotion, "You told me once that I would find someone who could be everything I needed, everything I deserved, someone who didn't have to work hard at being the right man for me, that one day I would find somebody who would show me the love that I deserved- Did you know then that - that somebody would turn out to be you?"

Red shifted the fedora on his head as a means to hide the twitch in his eye before closing the distance between them and coming face to face with his beautiful bride.

"I never let myself succumb to my feelings, I shied away from you - from the things you illicited inside of me, the only place I couldn't escape from you was in my dreams; so I foolishly held onto them because thats all I had." His eyes gaze into hers and show her every semblance of love and devotion he carries for her.

Her hand reaches out and palms his cheek, feeling the smoothness of his skin and the heat that radiates from his every atom.

She loves this man - she's in love with him, and she cannot wait to make him hers and spend eternity as his.

"Its not foolish to hold onto a dream, especially when your dreams turn into reality."


End file.
